


House Swap Horror

by Kameiko



Category: Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Genre: Banter, Couch Cuddles, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21951043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kameiko/pseuds/Kameiko
Summary: The couples switch homes for this amazing doorbuster ofgood spiritsandintentionsthis holiday season!
Relationships: Adam Jensen/Faridah Malik, Duncan MacReady/Jim Miller
Comments: 17
Kudos: 5
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	House Swap Horror

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YunaBlaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaBlaze/gifts).



“This is the worse food idea you have ever come up with, Jim!” Mac stares at Jensen’s counter that’s toppled with oranges of the ALL kinds of variety: rotten, fresh, the ones with their own springtails, rotten, did Mac mention rotten yet? Oh, and there’s a cake sitting on top of the island counter that’s made of unidentified green slices. Maybe melon. A healthy melon fruit cake with a little apartment “warming” gift from Malik that tells them to please indulge and enjoy this deliciousness, followed by a smiley face with a _PS: Sorry about the mess! We couldn’t wait around long enough! Please clean up Adam’s mess if you have time! Thank you! – FM. PPS: Enjoy the football! – FM Again._

_Jesus Christ, Jensen, you could’ve cleaned up after yourself, you pig!_ Mac squeezes his nose at the mental thought and pulls a trash can out from underneath one of the counters. At this rate he’s going to need a hazard suit, a gas mask, and PTO with hazard pay. “This is disgusting the way he leaves trash around! How does his girlfriend even handle him? I can barely handle a pencil out of place!” He throws the orange peels into the can.

Miller lightly smacks his lover on the shoulder blade. “Don’t complain. We only agreed to do this couple-house swap shenanigan, because it be fun for the holidays! Jensen’s not exactly a social butterfly when we’re talking about sunshine and rainbows.” _Actually, this is due to Malik and her ideas of what a “fun adventure” is entitled to._

“YOU don’t even talk about sunshine and rainbows!” Mac laughs at the irony behind Miller’s own backlash. True, they’re not very sunshiny men, but there’s that giant scoreboard arena TV to watch their soccer on, which also has a note attached to the screen that says: _enjoy all the soccer matches this big screen of an eyesore nuisance has to offer! This is supposed to be followed with a footnote of a winky smiley face, but I didn’t want to place that. – AJ but not 100% really. Malik made me place the face anyways_. This one’s in Jensen’s handwriting! Jensen also darn well knows that Mac HATES it when Jensen refers to Football as soccer! He just has to get in the last word with him at all times!

 _Payback for making him finish all that paperwork from last week before he goes on vacation for the Christmas holidays, I bet. This is what I get for trying to be a good subordinate._ Mac rips off the sticky note off and crumbles it up, tossing it on the ground next to the lazy one’s pile of other trash. He turns around and reaches for the remote. Grabbing it and plops down on the couch sighing. At least this is the most comfortable and only clean thing in this God forsaken studio apartment. He turns on the TV to see that it’s been programed to automatically play on the USA version of this European match going on. He immediately wants to scream at the American announcer for pronunciation of EVERYTHING! 

“JIM! Bring the cake and let me stuff my mouth with it before I go crazy!” Mac waves his arms frantically around, looking for some security from his lover! “Get your fluffy and loveable bum over here! What are you doing? Stop slicing up the cake and get over here! I need you to change the channel! QUICKLY PLEASE! I am about to tussle with a phone call to this ESPN guy or whatever!”

“Calm yourself, Duncan.” Miller takes his place next to Mac and takes the remote out of his hands. Then the thought of these play by plays dawns on him…”Wait! Did they just ask why call a penalty on that play of the game? What backwards thinking is this?” Miller holds the remote out forwards towards the tempting to throw at the VERY breakable glass screen.

 _Now you know this feels!_ “I am going to get the cake now. I need some food to stuff my mouth with to prevent myself from saying things to Jensen that I am going to deeply regret later.”

Miller chuckles. “That’s never stopped you before either. Just admit that you love to banter with him.” Miller is rewarded with a blown raspberry. _Very mature, Duncan. Very mature._

“He leaves himself open too much!” Mac waves his fork around in the air, getting crumbs all over the floor. Miller grimaces at the sight. “He’s probably already thinking ‘why is this place so clean? Miller needs a little mess in his life!’ followed by something, something-“ Mac doesn’t get to finish his food for thought, because Miller shoves a cake full of just melons into it.

“Just shut up and eat this. It really is delicious! Plus, the only mess here right now is you and your obsession with poking loopholes in people’s personalities.” Miller takes a bite out of his own cake. _This is really some good cake! I am going to have to get the recipe from her’s truly! Then apologize for any future messes with my own sincere notes…Sigh, Duncan, Duncan…. whatever am I going to do with you?_ Miller watches the other’s bacon steam come out sizzling over the top of his head.

Mac sets his plate down on the table and leans into his lover. Miller shifts his plate of food around to make room with his arm, wrapping It around Mac’s shoulders to bring him as close as he can. “Come on. Let’s enjoy this part of the world’s version of bad announcing. We both need a time away from the real-world problems we face every day. What can this one guy make us say or do that we haven’t already done on a battlefield?”

“Break another co-worker’s property?” Mac steals Miller’s fork and cake. He gets a glare followed by: _Hey! I intended to finish eating that!_ Another raspberry from the immature Brit of the crowned couch. Miller shakes his head and kisses Mac’s sweet lips when he’s done chewing on one of the kiwi or really bad orange slices. The green on this one didn’t sit well with either of them with the sour after taste. Miller rubs his own lips with the back of his palm.

 _Talk about foul tasting after trash talking another man’s electrical equipment._ Miller sets the plate down next to Mac’s discarded one. “Let’s still be kind and thank the chef for at least trying.”

“Or just don’t leave good food next to rotten fruits, and I don’t mean the food.” Mac gets an eye roll from the older one for the bad tasting joke. “What? Other people’s personalities are something I quip with. Deal with it, or your fluffy bum can move elsewhere-Hey! You weren’t supposed to take that part literally!” Mac watches on in horror as Miller stands up.

“Oh, relax, you baby. I am just going to get us some scotch.” Miller makes his rounds in the kitchen, making sure to take his time with the good stuff, or secretly just doesn’t want to hear Mac’s moodiness, and returns with it on the hardest of rocks that he couldn’t stab an ice pick in if he wanted too. “Here. For the bad after taste and to this lovely Holiday season! May whatever next year bring us good tidings and a lot of less headaches” He holds his glass up to clink with Mac’s.

“Cheers, love!” _Clink!_ Followed by an eternal kiss of happiness from one cranky lover to a tired one.

_Meanwhile…_

Jensen has his arms crossed; boots propped up on Miller’s very expensive glass coffee table, and he’s taking in the sights be squinting at the “smallest” screen of a TV he’s ever seen in this man’s home. “When did Miller’s TV get tiny?”

Malik props herself down next to her boyfriend with two glasses of wine. “He bought this TV just for you, because he knew you would complain, and get your feet off Miller’s nice clean table.” She’s joking, right? Mostly…joking?

Jensen scratches his itchy beard, after being playfully scratched in that one spot he loves by his girlfriend and takes the glass. He smiles at the handwritten note taped onto the glass with a smiley face, thinking it’s from the girlfriend. She sure knows how to bring out the truest of smiles in him. The note attached to it that reads: _Hey, Jensen! I bought this TV just for you to watch your “I like to watch people hit things with sticks” on! I hope it’s to your liking! – DM PS: This is fully 100% my idea and Miller has nothing to do with it. See you next year! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! PPS: Get your ballpoint pens ready and on point, because you will be neck deep in paperwork for this “idea”! PPPS: Yes, I fault you and not Malik, because I actually like her. Cheers, Jensen!_

Sadly, Malik only joked about the wrong perpetrator. Merry Christmas? 


End file.
